now that you're one

Those of you who know me personally know that my son recently turned one. You can read his birth story here, and check out my fifteen step plan to organizing the perfect birthday party here. I wrote his birth story as much for me, you readers, and him, but while I was rocking him to sleep the other night I “wrote” him this. I hope he appreciates it one day.

Now that you’re one:

Now that you’re one, I find you don’t need me as much as you used to. Maybe that’s not true; you need me, but not in the same ways. Now that you’re one, I don’t have to rock you to sleep, and you don’t really fall asleep on me anymore. But tonight, tonight you fell asleep on me within a few minutes of finishing your milk. Tonight, you snuggled in and draped your arm over my shoulder and drifted off to sleep. I contemplated sleeping all night with you in our rocking chair. This time I didn’t drift off to sleep with you because I didn’t want to miss a moment of our time together. I used to fall asleep rocking you and daddy would come in and wake me so I could put you into your crib. I didn’t want daddy to come in and break our spell. I’m not sure how long I sat there with you rocking back and forth, back and forth. All of a sudden, I realized I had a few tears running down my face. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t really happy either. Just content. Content to be sitting there with you and having you need me again in this way.

Now that you’re one, you can do all sorts of things. You walk. You run. You try to talk. You are so interested in all that there is around you. Now that you’re one, you like to explore. You don’t need me to take you everywhere. You can get there by yourself now. Just the other day at the park you walked all around, looking and playing. You were content to do things your own way and in your own time.

Now that you’re one, you seem like such a big boy. You’re getting taller (and bigger around). You take up so much more space. When you were born it was almost like you weighed nothing and took up no space at all; I could have squeezed you in my pocket if I wanted. Now that you’re one, you tell me what you want (kind of). You’re a little easier to figure out. You like to eat too. Now that you’re one, our battle with breastfeeding is over. You’ve mastered how to feed yourself (and I can buy your milk at the store).

Now that you’re one, I miss my baby boy (although much to your future dismay, you will always be my baby boy). I miss the little coos and goos. I miss you sleeping on me. This year went by way too fast for me. I hope it wasn’t too fast for you. I can’t wait to see how you are when you are two.