five useless things we say as parents

1. Careful. CAREFUL. CARE. FUL. [winces] Are you okay?
2. Give that back.
3. Not in your mouth. No. Not in your mouth. GOD DAMN IT [insert child’s name] NOT IN YOUR MOUTH! Did you swallow it?
4. Don’t touch that.
5. Sit down please. Please sit down.  SIT. DOWN. [insert child’s name] butt on the [insert location butt should be (couch, seat, floor, etc.)]. [child falls] Why do you think I told you to sit?

luby's select family feast review

This year my boss decided, for those of us who wanted, to buy us a Select Family Feast from Luby's for Thanksgiving. Way cooler than a turkey or gift card because this meant I didn't need to cook. Sweet!

The Select Family Feast serves 4-6 people and comes with the following all for $55.99:

Your choice of:

Whole Roasted Turkey Breast or Spiral Sliced Ham

and

1 qt. Cornbread Dressing

1 pt. Cranberry Sauce

1 qt. Giblet Gravy

1 dz. Dinner Rolls

And your choice of:

Luby's Famous Pecan Pie or Pumpkin Pie

We opted for the turkey breast and pumpkin pie (because I hate ham and was going to make my own pecan pie). I also added on mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese for $7.99 a quart. You schedule your pickup time when you order. Thinking back, if I could have picked up on Wednesday night, I probably would have done that instead of Thanksgiving morning. Our location didn't appear very organized and it seemed to take much longer than it should have to find my order and bring it to me.

I FORGOT TO TAKE PICTURES! The turkey was packaged in a plastic oven bag so it could go straight into the oven. The sides were packaged in foil containers and also able to go into the oven to reheat. The gravy was in cardboard container and the instructions stated it could be heated in the microwave it was easier to pour out a reasonable amount and heat in a bowl. We also made a few veggies in freezer steam bags to accompany our meal. All in all, it was pretty damn easy and A LOT of food for 2.25 people.

The turkey breast: there was no browning on the turkey, so all the browning we were able to get on the skin came after we liberated the breast from the oven bag and rubbed on some butter and put under the broiler. At this point I was too hungry to care.

The sides: I'm not going to lie the dressing was pretty damn good, and you can't really mess up mac and cheese or mashed potatoes. The gravy was a tad bit salty, but as my husband said, "it's not like you drink a cup of it for dinner." Cranberry sauce...I don't eat cranberry sauce. Miles ate all his and appeared to enjoy it. When asked for comment my husband said, "it was okay." The rolls were pretty damn good, I probably could have polished them all off.

The pumpkin pie: sigh, it was just okay. The bottom crust was really soggy and it made me kind of sad. However, my pecan pie was fan-freaking-tastic. Like you had any doubts.

So there you have it. Was it the best Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had? No. Was it better than some Thanksgiving dinners I've had that were cooked from scratch? Probably. Would I order it again and actually pay money for it? Yes, chances are next year. Mama no like to cook. Although, I might also have a backup pumpkin pie.

How was your Turkey Day?

fabulous five minute face

Disclosure: This post was written by a Mary Kay beauty consultant. I was not compensated for this post and I have purchased the giveaway item. 

Hi all! I am so excited to be the guest blogger for Holly for teach me tuesday!

I have been a beauty consultant with Mary Kay for over 10 years and the number one thing I hear from the ladies I meet, as to why they don’t do makeup in the morning, is because “it takes too long”. Well I am here to tell you that is a falsehood!!! It’s not that it takes that long; it’s that you have never been taught my Fabulous 5! It’s whole face of makeup you can do in under 5 minutes with only 5 products! Can it be any easier?! Get ready to be amazed ladies!!

Ok so the 5 amazing products we will use are:

1. CC Cream
2. Cream Eye Shadow
3. Mascara
4. Blush
5. Lipgloss 

So let me give you some quick info on these products:

The CC Cream is an all in one miracle product. CC stands for Color Correcting so this product is a foundation, concealer, redness reducer, color corrector, brightener, moisturizer, and has an SPF 20 ALL IN ONE. Seriously these babies are FLYING off my shelves!! It is one of the best things we have in our line. Can I make it easier for you?! One pump of the product, use your fingers and rub it on your face and all that stuff is DONE. We have 4 perfect match colors. I am using the Light-Med.

Second product is the Cream Eye Shadow. This product is also a winner in my book (Holly can attest- she has some!) This shadow looks just as great at 8pm as it did at 8 am when you put it on. It won’t crease, crack, dry up, get clumpy or any of that other icky stuff some cream shadows do. We have 9 gorgeous colors to choose from so there is definitely one (or more!) that can easily be worn everyday. Today we are using Violet Storm.  

Next the mascara- for this I like to use the Ultimate Mascara- mostly because it’s my favorite. I like the lash love too but I can’t break my loyalty to the Ultimate. This is a powerhouse mascara that won’t flake or dry out and will last all day. I like the black (my blonde lashes are virtually nonexistent) but we do have black-brown too.

Our mineral power blush is next. We have 10 awesome shades to pick from- today I am using the universally flattering shade: Shy Blush. Soft, even wear and a soft velvet finish; you will never wear another blush again.

And finally, we finish up with a bit of our NouriShine lipgloss. Fortified with vitamins A, C and E to keep your lips healthy, it’s an awesome product. Again we have 15 shades so you are sure to find a favorite or two! Today I am using one I can never live without: Fancy Nancy. 

So now we apply!

Step one: Take 1 -1.5 pumps of the CC cream into your fingers and apply it to your face. 

Start with your nose, forehead and cheeks and blend outwards. You want the majority of the product to be in the center of the face and it to blend out towards your hair. Ever see those ladies with the crazy foundation line on their chin? None of that. The color should always be concentrated on your face.

Step 2: Take some of the cream shadow on your pointer finger and smooth it on the lid about three quarters of the way up to your brows.

Step 3: Apply the mascara. (I do two coats, do one if you have darker lashes.)

Step 4: Take a big fluffy brush and apply the blush. Now, yes, you should be smiling. This helps define your cheeks, and (insider trick!) apply the blush DOWN towards your nose from your hairline not upwards.  This helps you have a soft pop of color not an 80’s face color streak.

  
Step 5: Dab on some lipgloss and you are DONE!!

 YOU DID IT!!! See it wasn’t that bad!!

Now how much does this cost? I know you are wondering. All 5 products together cost $75. 

1. I don’t know about you but I can spend that in Target in about 5 minutes on junk I don’t need that has never made me feel better or look better. 

2. These products, when used everyday will last you at least 3-4 months, probably longer for the shadow and blush. 

3. I’m here for a deal: you order on my website or look me up on Facebook and tell me you want the Sarcastic Package and it’s all yours for $60! 

We deserve this ladies. Like I said, I have wasted money at Target on nonsense crap that has never helped me feel better. We deserve to feel awesome!! Women are the backbone of the home and we need a little love!!!

HOPE YOU LOVED IT!!

Robyn Zerebniak, future leader of the “Glam it Forward!” unit.

Giveaway time! Comment which color cream eye shadow you like best to be entered in the contest to win your choice of cream eye shadow. Contest closes at 9:00 am CST on Friday (11/28/2014). Winner will be announced on Friday (11/28/2014) at 10:00 am CST. Only comments directly on the blog will count towards the contest. Contest limited to those residing in the contiguous United States. 


Contest is over and the winners have been notified. 

how to save a life: my experience donating human breast milk

Maybe I’m telling this story a bit backwards. I had a horrendous difficult time with Miles and nursing, so I decided to exclusively pump my breast milk. How hard could that be? I’ll be writing about that here in the next few weeks. But I digress. 

When Miles was 3 months old I started producing an abundance of milk, so I started freezing my extra milk. By the time he was 4 or 5 months old I had almost 900 ounces of milk in our freezer.

At this time I was going to a Mommy and Me group at the local hospital and saw a poster for Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin (www.milkbank.org). I started to investigate the option of donating my extra milk. My original goal with pumping was to go for nine months and have enough in reserve to get me to Miles’ birthday, but then I found out about fragile infants and the demand for human donor breast milk.

Here are some things I learned in my search:

There are approximately 500,000 babies born preterm every year. Another way to think of that is one in eight infants. (Source:http://www.cdc.gov/re…/maternalinfanthealth/pretermbirth.htm)

The number two leading cause of deaths in premature infants is necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC). (Source:http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr61/nvsr61_06.pdf)

“Feeding preterm infants human milk is associated with a significant reduction (58%) in the incidence of necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC).” (Source:http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/conte…/129/3/e827.full)

Babies die every year, hell maybe even every day, because their mother’s are unable to produce enough or any milk for them. Hospitals give preterm fragile infants formula when there is no other option. Sometimes this option directly leads to that fragile infants death. I had to do SOMETHING.

To date I have donated over 700 ounces of breast milk to Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin. My original goal was 1000 ounces. I did not meet that goal. 

I have no idea how many infants I have helped. But this may put things in perspective.

· A baby weighing 2 pounds takes up to 5.5 ounces of milk per day

· A baby weighing 4.5 pounds takes up to 12 ounces of milk per day 
· A baby weighing 6.5 pounds takes up to 18 ounces of milk per day 
(http://www.milkbank.org/donate-milk/milk-donor-faqs)

There is a huge need for human breast milk for fragile infants; far more babies need human milk than will receive it. Maybe you’re thinking, “I can’t help, I’m not a new mom with extra breast milk to share.” Well, you are wrong. Milk banks exist all over the country and they don’t run on hopes and dreams, they too need money and volunteers to process breast milk. Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin also has a Charitable Care Program to help families afford donor human breast milk. There is a cost to families receiving donor human milk, a processing fee, and as you can imagine, not everyone can afford this.

Please consider donating time or money to one of the many milk banks in the county and sharing your excess breast milk if you are able or passing along this amazing opportunity to breastfeeding mothers that you may know. Donating my extra breast milk has been one of the most positive, uplifting, self-less acts I have ever done. I wish I could have kept going and I can’t wait to be able to donate more milk in the future.

To find a milk bank hear you head over to www.hmbana.org.

easy chicken alfredo broccoli bake

This is one of my new favorite freezer meals. Super easy to make and prep. Five ingredients too! You really can't go wrong here.

Ingredients:

2 cups cooked chicken
1 pound penne
1 jar Alfredo sauce
1 bag frozen broccoli
2 cups shredded mozzarella

Directions:

Get your penne pasta cooking and grab a large bowl. Once your pasta is cooked and drained this is basically a dump and mix. I reserved some of the shredded cheese to top my yummy CAB bake.

I used part of a rotisserie chicken for this recipe. I had some left over from some AWESOME soup I made (recipe to follow next week).

So, once your pasta is done combine all ingredients into a large bowl and give a good mix-y. I had enough from these ingredients to fill three 8x8 foil pans I had from my last freezer meal experiment. I divided the mixture as evenly as possible, topped with some shredded mozzarella and then tossed these bad boys in the freezer (after I dated and labeled of course).

From frozen: Preheat oven to 350 and cook covered with foil for approximately 45 minutes, and the last 10 minutes without the foil cover.

From defrosted: Preheat oven to 350 and cook covered with foil for approximately 30 minutes, and the last 10 minutes without the foil cover.

I hope you enjoy as much as we do. What are you having for dinner tonight?

how having a baby has saved me money

We've all heard how much of a money suck children can be but I'm here to tell you that doesn't need to be the case. Here are a few simple ways that having a baby has saved my family money.

1. No time or energy to go out - fairly self explanatory. I am so exhausted most of the time that I truly rarely like to leave the house. But please don't save money this way. Enjoy your spouse, go on date nights or for a massage. You deserve it.

2. Eating out less often - yeah, no...we seem to do that more often...at least at the fast food places. We probably have been avoiding the sushi restaurant we love more...I miss sushi :(

3. Save money on clothing and makeup by no longer caring how you look. Again, not the best way to save money, but you can totally rock those old college sweats and choose to go "natural" instead of "made up."

There you have it having a baby really does make you spend more money...damn it. I wonder how much they are gong for on eBay ;) How do you cut costs in your family? Hit me up in the comments below.

how to stop a toddler's temper tantrum

Let's face it, we've all had those moments where our children have been clearly possessed by the devil and are about to make you completely lose your shit. So here is five step plan to help you curb those terrible one's, two's and three's. 

1. Refuse to give in to toddler's demands - you must remain strong and show them who is boss.

2. Offer alternative activities.

3. Ignore bad behavior, only reinforce good behavior.

4. Put on headphones to drown out toddler's screaming.

5. Give in to toddler's demands - we all know who really is the boss here.


You're welcome. What did your toddler do yesterday? Mine threw food back at me and then proceeded to cry for forty-five minutes.

potato chowder

Here is another soup to help get you through those cold winter evenings. I started out attempting to make this cauliflower chowder to use up some extra cauliflower that was not eaten at Miles' birthday party. I bought all the ingredients and then on the day I planned to make the chowder I started prepping and cooking. When I got to the cauliflower part, I realized the cauliflower was brown and mushy and not nearly enough for what the recipe called for. So I panicked, texted my husband and told him to go buy cauliflower. Well, he was at our polling station because it was election day and wasn't about to get out of line. Sucks to be me. Plan B or maybe plan C. We had some extra potatoes in the pantry that were on their way out but were still edible. So now I'm replacing the cauliflower that was being used to replace potatoes with potatoes...you follow? In the midst of all this panicking I didn't think very clearly and missed a step in the recipe...oops. I made due and managed to salvage this soup. And it turned out pretty damn well if I do say so myself. So here it is, my potato chowder. I also forgot to take pictures...damn it.

Potato Chowder

adapted from http://damndelicious.net/

Ingredients:

4 slices bacon, diced
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, diced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 stalks celery, diced
4-6 potatoes, diced
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
4 cups chicken broth
1 cup 2% milk
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Instructions:

Start out by rereading those ingredients and making sure you have EVERYTHING. Then dice your veggies and bacon (yum).

Heat a skillet over medium high heat and cook your bacon until the fat renders out and you have yummy brown bacon-y goodness. Toss your bacon on a paper towel lined plate and drool a little.

Melt the butter in a large stockpot or Dutch oven ( I still like my Lodge enamel cast iron one) over medium heat. Add all the veggies except your potatoes: garlic, onion, carrots and celery. Cook these bad boys for a few minutes until they are nice and tender (three to four minutes should work).

Next add your potatoes, chicken broth and milk and bring to a simmer. Depending on how large of chunks your potatoes are in will dictate how long you will need to let everything simmer. I let mine cook for 10-15 minutes.

Assemble your roux, remember we learned about this last time. I used some of the bacon grease from my skillet and a few tablespoons of flour. Whisk together until the flour has cooked a bit and you have a paste. Mix in some liquid from your soup and then add to your soup base.

Bring back to a simmer and season with S and P to taste. If you were too heavy handed with your roux you can use more stock or milk to thin out your soup. Garnish with bacon and dig in!

What's your favorite comfort food? Hit me up in the comments below.

diy: sequin ornaments/decorative balls

I made these a while back when I needed a craft project to soothe my inner Pinterest addict. Very simple craft/DIY as long as you have patience and an easy place to keep your materials out without children or pets getting all up in your business.

All you need are three items for this simple craft.

Styrofoam balls
Sequins
Sequin pins

The sequins and pins may be in the "kid" section in the craft store because apparently children are the only ones who want to use tiny choking hazard sequins in their arts and crafts.

I found it easiest to go around in a circle around each ball and fill in each row until you finish.

To make ornaments instead before you start to put on your sequins use something to punch a hole straight though your ball and thread ribbon though to hang on the tree.

There you go. Make as many as you want and arrange in a bowl or vase and place on your mantel or where ever! 

When do you start decorating for the holidays? Hit me up in the comments below. 

cream of mushroom soup

INGREDIENTS

1/4 cup unsalted butter

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 1/2 pounds mushrooms, thinly sliced

1 onion, diced

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

4 cups vegetable broth

1 cup heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

2 tablespoons cornstarch

INSTRUCTIONS

If you’re anything like me, you don’t always read the ingredients correctly. For instance, it says to slice the mushrooms, so make sure you do all your prep first. Dice your onion, mince the garlic and slice those mushrooms.  The rest is basically just assembling and dumping items into the pot.

Get butter started in a decent sized stock pot or a Dutch oven. I love my Dutch oven for soups, stews and chowders. It’s cast iron and made by Lodge. Once the butter is melted add the garlic and mushrooms and cook until the mushrooms get nice and tender and brown. Season with salt and pepper and then add your onions. Cook for a few minutes until the onions are translucent. I bet your kitchen smells fabulous.

Next you’ll want to add that vegetable broth (or chicken if you prefer), heavy cream and thyme. Assemble your cornstarch slurry (1/4 cup of water and 2 tbsp cornstarch) and then stir that into your soup. Let it thicken, season again with S and P if needed and viola. If your soup is still too thin you can add some more cornstarch, but be careful!

My soup was not as thick as I would have liked. We decided to make some rice and serve the soup over rice. However, next time I would make a roux instead (butter and flour) and use that instead of cornstarch. To make a roux you need to heat a few tablespoons of fat (butter, oil, drippings) in a pan and then whisk in a few tablespoons of flour until the fat is absorbed into the flour (will look paste-y) and then stir and cook for a few minutes. Add some of your soup base to your roux while whisking until your roux is nice and liquidy and then stir into soup and bring to simmer.

That's all she wrote folks! What's your favorite soup? Hit me up in the comments. 

what I learned this week

This last week I've learned a few things, or maybe just had them reinforced:

1. Daylight Savings Time is dumb. Beyond stupid. Miles has been waking up an hour early, but you know not to him because he doesn't know what the hell Daylight Savings Time is. Sigh. I was finally able to keep him up until his old bedtime (8:00 pm) I hope he sleeps in a little bit tomorrow. I can't keep waking up before 7:00 am.

2. Always. Always. Always check your fridge before you go to the store. Those extra veggies you were planning to use in that recipe later in the week, yeah you want to actually make sure they are still good before you start to cook dinner and realize that they are now brown and mushy.

3. Naps are sacred. Especially for the under two crowd. I've know this since I first had my son, but this week...oh boy. He's had a few days of poor naps and he has been a...lets say handful because that sounds nice.

I'm sure I learned a lot more, but I'm tired (maybe because someone keeps waking us up early). What epiphanies have you had lately? Hit me up in the comments.

now that you're one

Those of you who know me personally know that my son recently turned one. You can read his birth story here, and check out my fifteen step plan to organizing the perfect birthday party here. I wrote his birth story as much for me, you readers, and him, but while I was rocking him to sleep the other night I “wrote” him this. I hope he appreciates it one day.

Now that you’re one:

Now that you’re one, I find you don’t need me as much as you used to. Maybe that’s not true; you need me, but not in the same ways. Now that you’re one, I don’t have to rock you to sleep, and you don’t really fall asleep on me anymore. But tonight, tonight you fell asleep on me within a few minutes of finishing your milk. Tonight, you snuggled in and draped your arm over my shoulder and drifted off to sleep. I contemplated sleeping all night with you in our rocking chair. This time I didn’t drift off to sleep with you because I didn’t want to miss a moment of our time together. I used to fall asleep rocking you and daddy would come in and wake me so I could put you into your crib. I didn’t want daddy to come in and break our spell. I’m not sure how long I sat there with you rocking back and forth, back and forth. All of a sudden, I realized I had a few tears running down my face. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t really happy either. Just content. Content to be sitting there with you and having you need me again in this way.

Now that you’re one, you can do all sorts of things. You walk. You run. You try to talk. You are so interested in all that there is around you. Now that you’re one, you like to explore. You don’t need me to take you everywhere. You can get there by yourself now. Just the other day at the park you walked all around, looking and playing. You were content to do things your own way and in your own time.

Now that you’re one, you seem like such a big boy. You’re getting taller (and bigger around). You take up so much more space. When you were born it was almost like you weighed nothing and took up no space at all; I could have squeezed you in my pocket if I wanted. Now that you’re one, you tell me what you want (kind of). You’re a little easier to figure out. You like to eat too. Now that you’re one, our battle with breastfeeding is over. You’ve mastered how to feed yourself (and I can buy your milk at the store).

Now that you’re one, I miss my baby boy (although much to your future dismay, you will always be my baby boy). I miss the little coos and goos. I miss you sleeping on me. This year went by way too fast for me. I hope it wasn’t too fast for you. I can’t wait to see how you are when you are two.

mini baked omelets

Practice makes perfect right? Well…I’m still not quite perfect on these yet. Again, while stumbling on the all mighty evil Pinterest I came across omelet “cupcakes”. So after Miles’ birthday party I had some extra veggies on hand so I decided to try these out. I found several recipes that used regular muffin tins and got the cooking times from the recipes I found. One recipe said you could use foil OR paper cupcakes liners. So I opted for paper because that was what I had on hand. Mistake number one. The fillings options I went with were mushrooms, tomatoes, and green peppers. I diced up the veggies and filled the cups.

I mixed up the eggs and added some salt and pepper. The “cupcakes” went into the over for twenty minutes and then I let them cool for...let’s say a while. I kind of forgot about them. So when I went to peel off the paper liners were saturated with water…I’m guessing from the tomatoes. I peeled off the paper (and a bunch of egg) and then put them in a gallon bag and tossed in the freezer. I figure they can be for Miles.

Take two. While talking to a friend I had an epiphany to use foil as the liners. I know, I know just cut the crap and not use a liner but I’ve made eggs in a cupcake pan without any sort of…barrier and it was a complete disaster. I think there are still egg pieces in that damn pan. So anyways, back to the eggs. I decided to use my Texas size muffin tin, I do live in Texas you know, and foil as liners. 

Assembled these guys the same as take one and I believe I baked them for about 40 minutes at 350 degrees. Again the foil didn’t really come off and took a bunch of egg with it. Also too much water, I’m still thinking those damn tomatoes, but here is what I ended up with.

Who knows, maybe take three will go better.  Any suggestions? Help a sister out.